Long the weigh
I miss
Took some clash
Charging another
Once an abject of my affection
Now a worthy suspect
In a lineup
Of numbered whoa’s
Among many
Seedy subjects
On the lam
Yet beyond a shadow
Of doubt
To the maxim
Looking like a duck
Walking like a duck
Quacking like a duck
Then duck!
Turning in
Turning out
To be a quack
Apprehending
I’ve been doctored
Now witnessing
Neither
A ghastly tale
To be chaste
Nor a menacing bill
To be payin’
Strangely just
A beginning
Only under standing
Won mourn
The oblige-ations
Of duckiness
A-mending
This poem is a tribute to the healing process after the break up of a romantic relationship. This healing process is about moving beyond taking everything personally and gaining some detached perspective regarding how poorly we all often behave under stress and duress. This process is probably best captured in dealing with the end of an intimate relationship, but it applies widely across life. Perhaps the greatest blessing of intimate relationships is that it allows us to take things deeply personally, hopefully in a safe manner. Unfortunately, when an intimate relationship breaks apart, this vulnerability brings great pain. Since both people in an intimate relationship are vulnerable, with lives meshed and knowing each others buttons, a breakup can be an irresistible invitation to hurt those who have hurt us so deeply. While this may not be a particularly enlightened or healthy way to cope with loss, hurt people hurting others is perhaps a universal human experience, from both the receiving and dishing it out ends.
In this poem, this predicament and attitude is transcended by a process of “duckiness.” Ducky simply means likeable or agreeable. Things aren’t always as they appear. A generous attitude toward other may very well be the most appropriate default attitude. Of course, sometimes what looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck is, in fact, a duck. Nonetheless, even if things are as they appear, our attitude and reaction toward any given situation molds oneself, even defines oneself. And like they say, honey will get you farther than vinegar. Our attitudes and behaviors are, well, ours. What other people do is theirs. What you do and how you do it does influence other people, but we all have our own choices to make, and can only be held responsible for our own attitudes and behavior.
Of course, the trickiness of relationships is that yours, mine, and ours is easily confused. This is probably why love, generosity and simple kindness allow relationships to continue and grow. We all need space to be who we are, without judgment or sanction, that is, to be accepted as the imperfect beings that we are all. In a wonderful paradox, acceptance is often the greatest medium for bringing about change! However, if a relationship is strained or at a breaking point, then boundary issues become more urgent, perhaps even a crisis. People may start behaving in ways one considers unacceptable, or at least greatly dis-likable. Accepting the other person the way they are, a pretty good working definition of love, does not demand some grand control or manipulation of their defects, but rather a healthy boundary for oneself to avoid harm from another’s toxic attitude or behavior. No doubt, moving from a deeply personal meshing of one’s lives to a more detached way of relating can be difficult and confusing, especially if one is pondering severing a relationship completely, a relationship that may have provided many good things in each of your lives. This can be the worst form of loss in life. While suffering the worst losses in our lives may not bring out the best in us, this is equally true for those around experiencing great loss. Such trying situations beg for compassion — compassion for ourselves and compassion for others. There are few situations that kindness will make worse. Try a little duckiness. And if kindness doesn’t work, then it’s time to duck out…
The hard edges of injustice cleave us as surely as the serendipitous realities of unmerited kindness and generosity. While the specific injustices and grace that we each experience is unique, our heart of hearts flourishes in solidarity with others. The companionship and mutual support that flows through those who recognize themselves as being in the same boat binds us in one accord and harmonizes our souls so we can walk together as won people. Only when our love pours out into the world, not bound and limited to vain vessels of our own, do our hearts function at full — nay overfull! — capacity. 
With love flowing through us, we are never broke; we have become holy, awe together, and udderly teeming with plenty. In the process, our mortal hearts, like many earthen vessels, are thrown for a loop, only to be torn as under. And for awe that, our heart of hearts is fashioned for sow much more. Hearts united beat more than blood could ever dictate. May our hearts never brake, pouring into the world with awe of our untamed hopes.
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Homophobia – Now That’s a Choice!
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Homophobes like to focus on the idea that sexual orientation is chosen, at least homosexual orientation! Funny how if you ask a heterosexual person when they chose their sexual orientation it seems like a stupid question to them. Strangely some heterosexuals think that homosexuals choose their sexual orientation. Well, this double standard or hypocrisy is made even more surreal by focusing on what actually is a choice, that is whether to discriminate on persons based on their sexual orientation. Discrimination is a choice. Tolerance and acceptance is a choice. Fear is a choice. Sexual orientation is not a choice. Sexual orientation is something we are born with; it is God-given, a gift.
Of course, condemning people for something for which they have no choice is cruel at best. Nonetheless, it seems that homophobes have to believe that being gay is a choice. It makes no sense to speak of something as moral or immoral if there is not a choice involved! Now, sexual behavior is a choice, but holding that persons of homosexual orientation cannot act in any way on that orientation is absurd. First, sexual orientation and identity is way more than simply sexual acts, it is a fundamental way in which we relate to romantic partners. To deny this aspect for another human being is denying that human being a basic human right. Most anti-gay bigotry comes from religious traditions. In the United States, the anti-gay bigotry comes largely from Christianity. All you have to do is start reading the Bible in Genesis to see that it all starts out so good, good, good, good, good! The first thing in the Bible that is declared to not be good, is that Adam is alone. To insist that the only way that somebody can be moral is to be alone and unable to choose a life partner violates the very first principle that God laid out in the Bible concerning how we were created for one another and how God meant for us to live in partnership. I think the Bible got it right in Genesis.
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