Category Archives: Funny Poems

Funny, Pun-filled Poems

POEM: The Reason Donald Trump Sucks

The reason Donald Trump sucks Is that he is full of himself And the vacuum created Can’t help Butt purse His lips Like the Donald, this poem speaks for itself.

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POEM: Lost And Found

Sum wear Long the weigh Countless souls Lost Their sense of humor Only too end up Way to Sirius Occupying that eternal box Under the counter Only willing To pass it long To whom sow ever Claims it for their … Continue reading

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POEM: Namaste

Who dares ax Why I am Sow meta for As the spear it in me Razes up Too meat the spirit in you This poem is an ode to my favorite version of the greeting “namaste:” may the spirit in … Continue reading

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POEM: A Corny Poem — Owed To Iowa

He was feeling it In a corny state The mother of corn starch In the thick of it A sweet mother High on fructose Full of it As lots of feed In feedlots Of walking meat But it was my … Continue reading

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POEM: Sex Before Marriage?

He in choired So you think people should have sex before marriage? My straight forward rejoined her: Hell, I think people should have sex before breakfast! This short poem is a playful response to the straight-laced attitudes of many religious … Continue reading

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POEM: Throwing Up Her Arms in Disgust

She threw up her arms in disgust He said that she might want to stick to finger food This short, funny poem is a good case study into how my twisted mind works. First, I am not often put off … Continue reading

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POEM: Mountain of Love

He cried out “I would climb the highest mountain for you!” She said “How about doing your fair share of housework?” This short poem goes out to all the ladies in the house.  I am a big fan of epic … Continue reading

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POEM: Cautionary Tail

Ouch! That guy should come with a warning label She said after Having had A piece of cautionary tail You can divide life’s lessons into two basic categories: 1) that which deserves emulating, and 2) that which warrants avoidance.  This … Continue reading

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POEM: On a Roll!

In my write mind I am on a roll Plain and simple And there is nothing butter On that! I haven’t published a poem in a while.  This is because this week the muse has had other plans for me.  … Continue reading

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POEM: High Cost of Employment

Despite the high cost of employment It is still quite popular This short poem is a takeoff or elaboration of Will Rogers’ infamous statement: Despite the high cost of living, it’s still quite popular.  As wage slavery continues largely unabated, … Continue reading

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POEM: Word Jonesing

She said Your poetry seems like a lot of work I said It’s less wordsmithing And more wordjonesing Or sew it would seam There is little doubt that reading my poetry takes some work.  It is commonplace in my poetry … Continue reading

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POEM: My Indian Name

After my vision quest My shaman told me From now on My Indian name would be “Rhymes with orange” Only having never Seen an orange This short poem can be viewed as one of my more whimsical poems, or perhaps … Continue reading

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POEM: Sinking Ship

When a ship is sinking It may be wiser to follow the rats Rather than the humans That is, if you can tell the difference This Titanic poem juxtaposes the zeniths and abysses of humans, created only a little less … Continue reading

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POEM: Monkeys with Typewriters

If you put a hundred monkeys with typewriters in a room Would there be any way to tell That it wasn’t the Fox News copy room? This short poem is a parody of both the infinite monkey theorem and Fox … Continue reading

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POEM: Man of Letters

I once met a man of letters Though you might not have recognized it Probably because he specialized in F

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POEM: Force of Nature

Sometimes I feel like a force of nature And when nature calls There is little resisting

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POEM: Where Lost Socks Go

The other day I stumbled upon That place where lost socks go And I thought to myself Of course, that makes sense I would love to tell you where it is But then I would have to kill you I’m … Continue reading

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POEM: Bull Shit

There are two things I know for sure One, I am way too old for this bull shit Two, I am way too young for this bull shit Okay, it’s more Like one thing In my college freshman english class, … Continue reading

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POEM: No Longer on Speaking Terms with God

I am no longer on speaking terms with God She keeps pouring drink into my cup overflowing And I no longer have the heart to say when Only ever with a rye smile Would she say to me “eat me” … Continue reading

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POEM: Text Message From Rumi

I got a text message from Rumi: big screen tv died whole world looks like 3D brb That was over a thousand years ago Real life is infinitely more fascinating than virtual life.  It’s like trying to compare 3D to … Continue reading

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