POEM: Monkeys with Typewriters

If you put a hundred monkeys with typewriters in a room
Would there be any way to tell
That it wasn’t the Fox News copy room?

This short poem is a parody of both the infinite monkey theorem and Fox News.

“The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.  In this context, “almost surely” is a mathematical term with a precise meaning, and the “monkey” is not an actual monkey, but a metaphor for an abstract device that produces an endless random sequence of letters and symbols. The relevance of the theorem is questionable—the probability of a monkey exactly typing a complete work such as Shakespeare’s Hamlet is so tiny that the chance of it occurring during a period of time even a hundred thousand orders of magnitude longer than the age of the universe is extremely low (but not zero).”

So, if you watch Fox News long enough you should see the complete works of William Shakespeare!  And they said Fox News viewers have a short attention span — and no taste!  Unfortunately, Fox News is not random.  In this case, randomness would be a blessing.  If only Fox News were merely a troop of chattering monkeys!  But alas, Faux News has a distaste for fair and balanced news, bringing a distinct point of view or perspective that twists the truth to its own ends.  Their outrageous claims pawned off as news leaves many a reasonable person red-faced as Fox News quixotically swings about their moulin rouge derrieres like careless baboons.

While the infinite monkey theorem is a uselessly clever construction, much like Fox News, I find its allusion to evolution a hilarious fortuity.  Partly because Fox News clings to a nominal conservative Christian doctrinaire which disdains evolution.  Partly because Fox News may, in fact, be the best contemporary evidence that evolution does not exist!  May the Fox News copy room never be copied, and may this unbecoming mutation disappear without progeny.

Check out more Top Pun Fox News parodies here.

 

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