POEM: Unending Vocation

She summoned me
To tell me
Of my new assignment
I soon realized
That it was
Not beneath me
But behind me
So I moved on
In my unending
As I was tolled

This poem is autobiographical.  This of mine could be viewed even as the first step in my unending of .  I have often used the phrase “Not beneath me, but behind me” to describe the process that I experienced leaving my “regular” and career.  This specifically applies to the new assignment referred to within the poem.  In retrospect, I don’t think that my supervisor/boss expected my reassignment to be a discussion, but rather a simple informing me of the way in which I was to me managed.  This disconnect exemplifies why I made a relatively quick decision, within a matter of days, to not accept the new assignment and request part- entailing my old duties which were being curtailed.

I also knew that any job with this employer was terminal.  I would have to do something different.  It took me almost two years to quit the part- afforded me while I was starting my own .  Though the decision and timing were more about my emotional and health than financial.  I hadn’t netted dime one from my new .  Nonetheless, I knew that my toxic job was killing me, bringing out the worst in me.  Certain is a good motivator.  I choose , however uncertain, than certain .  This choice seems somewhat obvious, but I think that it is a choice not made nearly as often as it should be.  Probably something to do with learned , settling for mediocrity, and false .  I took in being autonomous and tough, living on breadcrumbs.  I would rail against the stupidity of my employers for not even providing me breadcrumbs for my high aspirations.

Fortunately, I eventually came to realize the great that this total desert was, for me to be able to separate myself from such toxic .  It reminded my of my divorce, in the sense that I felt that my chosen profession, of which I was well-trained, was mine, and these fools should leave, not me.  Of course, this wasn’t going to happen (actually, in the case of my divorce, this did happen).  So, I left.  The leaving of my profession was entangled in another , that of having 50-50 custody of my and not willing to move elsewhere for work.  So, fate had its way with me…and I am all the better for it!  I sort of backed into parlaying my unique talents into a new : as the greatest punster for peace in the English-speaking world!  How many people can say with certainty that they are the best in the world at something?  What a to not relegate such a momentous to a mere hobby.

This whole process was very humbling and -inspiring for me.  I have grown a great appreciation for going through “bad” stuff, trusting my own instincts and the benevolence of a higher to come out on the other side even better off.  I consider myself to be a very creative and imaginative person.  I consider myself very intelligent.  I could not have predicted the good things to come.  I fooled myself into thinking that I could foresee and the .  Fortunately, I could not.  Fortunately, my was better than I had even dared imagine.  From this I have come up with a saying: doesn’t give me want I want; gives me something better!

May you find the and wherewithal to follow your instincts and , trusting that there are powers at work that will bring good things into your , even better than you dare imagine!

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