POEM: Unending Vocation

She summoned me
To tell me
Of my new assignment
I soon realized
That it was
Not beneath me
But behind me
So I moved on
In my unending
As I was tolled

This poem is autobiographical.  This of mine could be viewed even as the first step in my unending of poet.  I have often used the phrase “Not beneath me, but behind me” to describe the process that I experienced leaving my “regular” and career.  This specifically applies to the new assignment referred to within the poem.  In retrospect, I don’t think that my supervisor/boss expected my reassignment to be a discussion, but rather a simple informing me of the way in which I was to me managed.  This disconnect exemplifies why I made a relatively quick decision, within a matter of days, to not accept the new assignment and request part- entailing my old duties which were being curtailed.

I also knew that any with this employer was terminal.  I would have to do something different.  It took me almost two years to quit the part- afforded me while I was starting my own business.  Though the decision and timing were more about my emotional and health than financial.  I hadn’t netted dime one from my new business.  Nonetheless, I knew that my toxic job was killing me, bringing out the worst in me.  Certain is a good motivator.  I choose life, however uncertain, than certain death.  This choice seems somewhat obvious, but I think that it is a choice not made nearly as often as it should be.  Probably something to do with learned helplessness, settling for mediocrity, and false pride.  I took in being autonomous and tough, living on breadcrumbs.  I would rail against the stupidity of my employers for not even providing me breadcrumbs for my high aspirations.

Fortunately, I eventually came to realize the great that this total desert was, for me to be able to separate myself from such toxic relationships.  It reminded my of my divorce, in the sense that I felt that my chosen profession, of which I was well-trained, was mine, and these fools should leave, not me.  Of course, this wasn’t going to happen (actually, in the case of my divorce, this did happen).  So, I left.  The leaving of my profession was entangled in another reality, that of having 50-50 custody of my and not willing to move elsewhere for work.  So, fate had its way with me…and I am all the better for it!  I sort of backed into parlaying my unique talents into a new vocation: as the greatest punster for peace in the English-speaking world!  How many people can say with certainty that they are the best in the world at something?  What a to not relegate such a momentous to a mere hobby.

This whole process was very humbling and -inspiring for me.  I have grown a great appreciation for going through “bad” stuff, trusting my own instincts and the benevolence of a higher to come out on the other side even better off.  I consider myself to be a very creative and imaginative person.  I consider myself very intelligent.  I could not have predicted the good things to come.  I fooled myself into thinking that I could foresee and the future.  Fortunately, I could not.  Fortunately, my was better than I had even dared imagine.  From this I have come up with a saying: doesn’t give me want I want; gives me something better!

May you find the and wherewithal to follow your instincts and dreams, trusting that there are powers at that will bring good things into your life, even better than you dare imagine!

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