Mock Funeral – Occupy Toledo

Yesterday, April 1st, April Fool’s Day, was the one and only performance of Occupy Toledo‘s Funeral — in life (and ) there are no rehearsals, this is it!  If you missed it, I truly hope that you were doing something else as fun and inspiring!  Thanks to all the players, readers, eulogizers, ushers, HOMElessLAND , providers of , and all who helped make ’s RE-BIRTHDAY possible.  We rose like a phoenix from the ashes!!  will re-start the physical re-occupation of Toledo on May1, , the day of a worldwide general strike!  Join us May 1 in Levi’s Square, downtown Toledo, St. Clair at Madison.  In the meantime you can come help plan the occupation of Toledo at our General Assembly meeting every Wednesday at 6:30 pm at Third Space.

Below is a picture of our own Rev. Ed Heilman serving as preacher (note the dollar sign on his bishop’s hat and the dollar sign cross on the altar)

Mock Funeral Preacher (Rev. Ed Heilman)Here is ’s Obituary from the Funeral:

was born October 10, 2011, to it’s parents, the Arab Spring and Occupy . Born of hope, burst onto the scene in its own charmingly childish way. However, from the birth of , few people could understand what it wanted. Onlookers mumbled again and again: “What do they want?” “I don’t get it.” flailed around for about 6 months until it realized that it was too small to succeed. After scrutinizing corporate behavior, in due course discovered that the nobility of American corporations was unparalleled. The dearly departed realized that in these great United States of , injustices are so few and far between, that it could no longer even occupy itself. Unavoidably, came to its senses, recognized its irrelevancy, and accepted that to corporate rule is futile. Fortunately, in the end, Occupy Toledo had gained at least the good sense to crawl into a coroner’s office and die. Occupy Toledo died on April 1, 2012, due to . Protesters were the Magazine Person of the Year in 2011. Gracefully, protesters like Occupy Toledo are stepping aside to make room for the inevitable Magazine Person of the Year for 2012: the Corporate Person, born of United, the true will of human persons across . Occupy Toledo is survived by countless cousins around the country, many of whom have not achieved , so they have not yet abandoned their vain struggles against corporate , which is obviously too big too fail. The bad news is that Occupy Toledo is dead. The good news is that its condition is stable.”

Below is a picture of our own local activist doctor, Johnathon Ross, M.D., reading Occupy Toledo’s Certificate and pronouncing its .

Mock Funeral Doctor (Johnathon Ross, M.D.)Here is Occupy Toledo’s Certificate from yesterday’s Mock Funeral:

“I hereby certify that Occupy Toledo, born October 10, 2011, has died on this day, April 1, 2012. The immediate cause of death was . The underlying causes of death included: 1) an atrophied brain due to an overexposure to TV news and infotainment, talk radio, and so-called “” TV; 2) learned , due to an enlarged gullibility, making it susceptible to corporate propaganda and so-called political pundits; 3) a weakened due to lack of exercising freedoms and widespread metastases of planetary ; and lastly, 4) pure exhaustion from running on the treadmills of trying to earn enough to maintain a decent household and fend off crushing debt.”

Of course, after the 1% overstepped their hand with their crass compulsions (by bidding on the Phoenix egg for their breakfast), the Phoenix’s prophecy was fulfilled:

“Hear this prophecy: The crass of the few to buy anything and everything is complete. The few dare to literally buy and consume the HOPE of the many. Because of this abomination of the few, the Phoenix’s prophecy is complete. The many, the 99%, Occupy Toledo, will be re-born one month from today in this same place. HAPPY RE-BIRTHDAY OCCUPY TOLEDO. Join us on May 1, , a world-wide general strike, for the re-occupation of Toledo. Thus speaks the Phoenix, ‘You, the many, the 99%, shall arise again and be free. Join together with the peoples of this land and from around the world, and the few, the 1%, will be vanquished.’ “

Below pictured is yours truly, Dan Rutt, alias “Top Pun” (it’s just, my pun name), with the HAPPY RE-BIRTHDAY card placed over the tombstone announcing the re-occupation of Toledo.

Mock Funeral RE-BIRTHDAY CARD! (Dan Rutt as Funeral Director)

Here is some Toledo Blade coverage for the Mock Funeral.

If you’d like to read the Occupy Toledo Mock Funeral script, you can re-live the event, or get a greater taste of the drama of the day.  Here is a printer-friendly PDF version of the Mock Funeral of Occupy Toledo.

Leave a Reply