Lust Potential
He looked about him
And saw
Their cups were filled
Even overflowing
And still
He mourned
The size of their cups
Years ago, I heard a description of heaven as a place where no matter the size of our cups all that we would know is that our cups are full. I thought that this was a brilliant and beautiful image of humans resolving their relentless need to be more than who they are now. This heavenly description illuminated some brilliant facets of human reality: that regardless of our capabilities we can be fulfilled, and that we need not compare our capabilities to others. Of course, while this is a heavenly scenario, an illuminating ideal, us earthbound folks must grapple with envy, jealousy, and the unquenchable inclination to be more than we are now. I believe that the first two can be redeemed; the latter I suspect is behind any impetus to even be redeemed!
Envy is the emotion that we feel when we want something that another possesses. Typically, this is viewed with a negative connotation, a precursor to destructive behavior and relations. Envy lives within a worldview of scarcity, closed-sum thinking, and the fearful consequence which may ensue. However, it can be viewed as inspirational, a precursor to creative behavior and relations. Such inspiration can be made possible by living into abundance, where even loss or lack is parlayed into some positive gain, creating room for growth. Jealousy is the emotion we have when we fear that we may be replaced in the affection of another. Jealousy is also typically viewed with a negative connotation, living out of a place of insecurity, focusing on what we may lack and what another may want. Jealousy is simply pre-mourning a potential loss. And while mourning is a critical human developmental process, attempting to do the work of mourning before an actual loss has several great dangers. First, the loss may never occur and we end up training for an event that is only in our head — this is needless worry. Worse yet, such needless worry may actually facilitate our fears coming true, become a self-fulfilling prophecy — or perhaps more aptly, a self-unfulfilling prophecy! Next, dealing with an imagined loss may have little bearing on what it takes to deal with an actual loss that does occur. Like envy, jealousy is rooted in fear. Fear holds us back from deeper and larger realities. Nonetheless, even fear offers the pregnant possibility revealed in a stark contrast between itself and love. Redemption is always looming! Weave only got to hang in there!! Both envy and jealousy can be wielded as an effective diagnostic tool to identify our fears, thus opening the possibility of testing these fears against the standards of love. Love manifests itself in many ways. Love can be the enjoyment and passion aroused by the preferred particularities of our life. Love can be the filial or brotherly affection we experience with one another. Love can be the intimate and erotic pleasures of a lover and best friend. Love can be the unconditional love of God-like proportions, ever wooing us to be better, even more than we are now. Love can be experiencing unconditional love so that we need not worry about what we have or don’t have, or who we are or aren’t. Mysteriously and paradoxically, this latter unconditional acceptance seems to be the firmest foundation for change.
I wrote this poem partly because I have a personality where I see everything against a backdrop of perfection, which can drive me to heights of positive aspirations, or reduce me to a mole mourning mountains of loss potential. I see the aspect of needing to be more than we are as an inescapable facet of being human. Fortunately, it is not the only facet. There is the rest. I can experience awe that life has to offer without adding or subtracting anything. And by not comparing myself to other, I become incomparable.
