General Jesus Speaks!
Welcome to Gen. Jesus! This is the third installment a new Top Pun series of comics that will run on Sundays, featuring CEO Jesus, Free Market Jesus, Country Club Jesus, General Jesus, Comedian Jesus, and who knows what other incarnations!
This week’s Gen. Jesus is an over-the-top parody of the pacifist Jesus. As you can see, Jesus is quite at home in his oil-rich desert that we know as the Middle East. This is a top assignment which he probably garnered by being able to speak both English and Aramaic. Notice that Jesus’ cap is slightly askew, as a tip of the hat to the little people, and perhaps a subtle clue to his truly radical nature hidden behind an unstoppable war machine. As he humbly points to his “killing people” medals, he is quick to point out that he did not actually do the killing, but he has people who do this for him; it is simply his great leadership and command of billions of dollars of killing technology that justifies such colorful, ostentatious displays.
General Jesus’ lesson for today is a kick ass, shock and awe moral principle: killing people is a very effective way of showing people that killing people is wrong. If this moral lesson seems somewhat screwed up to you, it must be because you are unable to grasp the many subtleties that spring forth from the moral pillars of brute force and impersonal killing that drone on and on. Of course, General Jesus knows certain things that we don’t. Perhaps this is why we are asked to trust him.
The longer version of this moral lesson is that killing people who kill people shows people that killing people is bad, and this is a sure guarantee that we will never get out of the job of killing people. Remember, it’s all about jobs: snow jobs, con jobs, and the occasional sweatshop job (somebody has to make all that crap).
On a more serious note, it is interesting to note that Jesus was a powerful opponent of Roman imperialism, which played well with the masses since he was part of one of the many groups that were put down by Roman imperialism. In fact, the book of Revelation in the Bible is considered an allegory speaking against imperial Rome. Apparently, sometimes you need to couch what you say in terms that your intended audience will understand, but not so obvious that the powers that be will come and take you away. However, Jesus apparently did not master this ability completely, as he was taken away and executed by Rome and its complicit cronies. Those of us who are into the power of humor will appreciate that many of Jesus’ titles are actually intended to mock the worldly and political powers of the day. Calling someone “Lord” in the Roman Empire would be seen as an infringement upon Caesar’s god-given rights. This would be similar to calling Jesus “Commander-in-Chief” in modern-day United States. Not surprisingly, religion and the state often do battle over claims to ultimate allegiance. This is the way it should be, or perhaps, must be. How these particular battles turn out probably depend upon your view of ultimate power. If you think that fear, control, and domination are the most deciding factors in human life, then I would say side with the state. However, if you think that love, solidarity, and service to one another are the most deciding factors in human life, then I would say side in a higher power, sometimes in the guise of religion. In the end, it seems to come down to voting with one’s feet, voting with the existential force that is our life. I choose to vote for love, solidarity, and service to one another. What say you?